It’s way past time for me to move on, to accept all that has happened as being unchangeable. It needs to now become unimportant. I keep holding on, expecting some magical enlightenment. I already have the knowledge to change. I still need the courage.
I accept my fate.
I accept that I cannot change what has happened.
I accept that I do not need to know why. This one thing is the key, I think. There has to be some way to relieve this stress on my mind. I’m feeling so intently this past year since my freak of a mother died, that I have to manage my hate, my blame, my wish to speak out.
I need to stop. Please stop, world! I want to get off!
I think I may have heart disease, or something similar. There was this pain in the middle of my chest, a brief hit that told me to stop what I was doing immediately. My blood pressure an hour after the event was 165/90 or so. I’m very vulnerable to a stroke now, at least I feel that way.
Up until this past year, I always thought that I was not particularly vulnerable to new mental illness. It now appears that I crossed a line somewhaere back, and haven’t found my way yet to the light.
The light of enlightenment. haha
In Search of Truth 